Top Articles

Stay In Touch


Affiliate Marketing Forum

FAQ FAQ Search Search Memberlist Memberlist Usergroups Usergroups
Register Register Profile Profile Log in to check your private messages Private Messages Log in Log in

Don't forget me ...

Affiliate Marketing Forum Index » Present Your Site for Review
Post new topic   Reply to topic
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
Guest






Post Posted: Sat May 08, 2004 6:21 am
      Post subject: Don't forget me ...

Reply with quote

Please make sure you take a look at my site: Embarassed

http://www.efier.com

Any comments welcome, thanks in advance !!!
Back to top
Timothy Warnock



Joined:
08 Aug 2003

Posts:
205

Location:
Assisi, Italy

Post Posted: Sat May 08, 2004 10:34 am
      Post subject:

Reply with quote

Dear Guest,

Beautiful graphics - well done!

Too bad your text is weak.

You use The Classic Mistaken Approach that 90% of all web sites make!

What's that?

---

Welcome to...

We do this, we do that, we we we, us us us, our our our...

---

I'll be frank, nobody gives a damn about what you do, they want to know what's in it for THEM. And it is best if it isn't inferred, but direct towards your visitor.

To show you what I mean, you write:

Quote:
Welcome to efier.com - Your Source for an Awesome Vacation!


You are inferring that they will get an awesome vacation with your services - just say it!...

Discover How to Get A Breath Taking Awesome Vacation, Saving Up to 70%, From Highly Professional And Verified Agents Offering Top Service That Will Inspire Your Own Heart Felt Raving Testimonial To Others, And Keep You Coming Back Again And Again.

Then give them a couple of raving testimonials here.

Take away your WE.... sentences, and make them BENEFIT sentences...

How to..., Discover..., Save..., Get..., Receive..., Uncover..., etc.

Then at the end, give them a very clear call to action.

Click here to get our free information brochure on incredible vacation packages that are currently at record discounts, but don't hesitate, they are going fast!

(I just made that up - you know what you have to offer, give them something to get them so jazzed that they can't help but click.)

I hope this helps,

Timothy Warnock
_________________
Timothy Warnock

Copywriter


Last edited by Timothy Warnock on Sat May 08, 2004 5:25 pm; edited 1 time in total
Back to top View user's profile Send private message
DatabaseDesigner



Joined:
17 Nov 2003

Posts:
665

Location:
Norway

Post Posted: Sat May 08, 2004 4:56 pm
      Post subject:

Reply with quote

Guest,

I totally agree with Tim; he really knows what he's talking about. Remove all the 'We's and 'Our's and tell your visitors about how they benefit. I did fall into the same trap, and Tim really helped me a lot. Still need to take the time to rewrite according to Tim, though, but I will do it...

Your site is really nice, rewrite it with focus on the reader.

Seeing that Puerto Vellarta ad on your site really brought back memories of my two visits there: fishing, snorkling and enjoying real good mex food...

As for Tim: Thank you for helpful and kind advice. Really appreciated.
_________________
DatabaseDesigner
The complete guide to eBooks!
http://www.databasedeasign-resource.com
Back to top View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic
Affiliate Marketing Forum Index » Present Your Site for Review
Page 1 of 1 All times are GMT

 

Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum




Newsletter Sign-up

Sign-up Now!

How to make $1000 a month from scratch

Sign-up for our newsletter and receive our 77 page eBook "How to make $1000 a month from scratch".

Best of all it's FREE!

Your Host

Allan Gardyne

Learn from an affiliate veteran.

Your host, Allan Gardyne, has been earning a good living from affiliate programs since 1998.

Want a BETTER article writer? We will write good articles just for you.

Content Kingdom