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StockLandlord
Joined:
23 Mar 2004
Posts:
2
Location:
Houston, TX
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Posted: Tue Mar 23, 2004 4:20 pm
Post subject: I'd Like Your Opinion, Please...
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To All,
I would appreciate any comments (good, bad, ugly) about my newly-updated site...
http://www.TheStockLandlord.com
Thanks,
Rick
The Stock Landlord
_________________
Rick Dennis specializes in teaching others about conservative investment strategies that are unknown to most investors. One such strategy, used on Wall St. every day, generates cash flow even if stock doesn't go up in value. Learn more - http://www.TheStockLandlord.com |
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Timothy Warnock
Joined:
08 Aug 2003
Posts:
205
Location:
Assisi, Italy
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Posted: Tue Mar 30, 2004 6:58 pm
Post subject:
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Hello Rick,
You have an excellent start.
There are a few elements in the copy that could use improving imho.
Except for a couple of elements that I will suggest (and your web page is missing), much of what I will say simply needs to be tested to see what works best, but I have a lot of experience in this, and my suggestions are based on this experience.
First off, I would test a new headline, what you have isn't bad at all, I simply think it could be even more powerful.
Something like:
Discover a Powerful Stock Trading System Known and Jealously Guarded By Only a Handful of Top Experts in the Field, That Will Increase Your Wealth AND Safely Protect Your Hard Earned Investments With an Ultra Conservative Strategy.
I know this is long, but it really tells your particular story in a nutshell. Not only that, it puts the positive BEFORE the negative. What do I mean by this?
Why do people trade? To earn money, right? Or even better, to have financial freedom and all that this brings. What stops them? Fear of losing. I personally think it is more powerful to ignite the desire, then quench the fears, not the other way around. It is kind of like jumping from an airplane - sure they want to have a good parachute, but what they really want is the thrill of the jump and the view. It becomes less exciting if you keep their attention on the parachute.
Your phrase:
If you're using any conventional stock trading strategy, stop right now!
Could open the first paragraph of your sales letter better with:
Don't use a conventional stock trading strategy until you read what I have to say, it may save you from tremendous loss, you see...
These proven, heavily guarded secrets reveal the exact stock trading system experienced Portfolio Managers use to make hundreds of millions of dollars every month AND protect them from the whims of big market loss.
Now, a smaller headline such as:
You don't have to be an expert to use this stock trading strategy
This info is for those that want the honest truth about ultra-smart investing
Whether you are a...
Serious investor
Business professional
Private investor
The rest of your letter is pretty good, could use some fine tuning, but what is most critical - YOU DON'T ASK FOR THE ORDER!
You have a good offer, ASK FOR THAT ORDER! I can't stress this enough.
Also, I would use some of your testimonials directly in your sales copy, don't wait for your visitors to click on that link - give them 2 or 3 directly with a link that says click here for more testimonials.
Just these few suggestions should increase your sales surprisingly.
Let me know.
Best wishes,
Tim
_________________
Timothy Warnock
Copywriter |
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